confessions of a befuddled puddle. an open book that no one likes to read.

How can people see things in black and white so often?

I’m really really frustrated right now.

I haven’t wanted to cry this much since last week. And last week was bad.

Although I can’t cry because I “need to grow up and stop being such a baby”, as my mom just said.

Five minutes ago.

When we got in a fight.

Over something so simple.

It’s been like this for months. I don’t know. I just feel like my parents honestly just. I don’t want to use the word, but.

Neglect. Utter neglect.

Every time I talk to them about something, ANYTHING, they find a way to criticize me through it, or make a joke about it as if it’s insignificant because of it having to do with me.  I don’t even care about this crap anymore, because I’ve become so attuned to it.

Oh, so.

I can’t even go to the journalism party because my parents won’t let me. They have no logic behind this besides:

“Wait, so first they want coffee from us, then they want you to stay at layout, and now you’re making arrangements to attend a party? I need to talk to your teacher.”

WTH IS THAT? Those things have nothing to do with each other! Coffee = fundraiser, necessary for our magazine.  Layout = kind of an important part of our newspaper considering IT WOULDN’T EXIST WITHOUT IT. And party? I’m not going to a rave to be a tweaking raver— it’s a holiday party with pumpkin pie and lumpia. FUCKING PUMPKIN PIE AND LUMPIA, WTH. DOES THAT SPELL TROUBLE TO YOU?

You know what the argument ends with? It’s hilarious. Really. BECAUSE IT HAS TO DO WITH NOTHING.

“You should get a license and drive yourself places. We don’t want to be waiting for you in the parking lot or wherever you are. You cry too much. Stop locking yourself in the bathroom and crying. Grow up and stop being a baby. You don’t cry when you’re grown up.”

Wow, because adults have no feelings. They’re incapbable of having emotions.

This crap about Journalism and all that has come up lately? NOT EVEN HALF of what I’m going through right now. I can’t even talk about that half.

What would you do if your daughter told you she was struggling with depression?  They ignored it.  What if your daughter got to the point where she started considering bad, harmful ways of venting?  Ignore it, she just wants attention.  What if your daughter came home every day and locked herself in a room for two hours? Nothing. It’s not like she’s worth talking or listening to anyway.

Before you tell me that it’s wrong for me to have emotions, try having some of your own.

Goodnight.

leannevharris:

You act like you’re oh so hot, boy
Making girls think they have a shot 
Well, I guess I thought that, too, boy
Well, I guess I forgot

You act like you’re oh so fine, boy
Giving girls so many signs
Well, I guess I fell for that, too, boy
Well, I guess I didn’t shine

Shine bright enough
Don’t you give me that look
I shine bright enough
I saw that double take you took

You’re singing a song to me
You don’t even belong with me
But you’re insisting
Your flirting is constant and
You put your face to my hand
But you will never be mine
You never saw that I could shine

You act like you’re oh so cool, boy
I’m sure there’s some kind of rule
Well, I’m sure I act like that, too
At least I don’t look like a fool

And you act like you’re so damn unique
From your hair down to the way you speak
Well, I guess you don’t have that down quite yet
Because your shine is becoming a little bleak

But I shine, shine bright enough
You’re staring me down again
I know I shine bright enough
Why weren’t we ever friends?

You’re singing a song to me
You don’t even belong with me
But you’re insisting
Your flirting is constant and
You put your face to my hand
But you will never be mine
You never saw that I could shine

I’m shining bright enough
But my flame is burning low for you
And I’m shining bright enough
And I know all the stuff you like
And all the different types of right
So I’m saying goodnight

You’re singing a song for me
You don’t even belong with me
But you’re insisting
Your flirting is constant and
You put your face to my hand
But you will never be mine
You never saw that I could shine

Shine bright enough
I’m shining bright enough
Shining bright…

Meep. I’m going to keep singing along to this all night long. :) <3